


Haunted house

by JemDoe



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Gen, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Petstuck, i'll be adding as other character's appear, idk really
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-24
Updated: 2013-03-14
Packaged: 2017-12-03 11:58:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/698001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JemDoe/pseuds/JemDoe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dirk Strider bought a "haunted house". It came with a gift that wasn't really a ghost.<br/>[This series/story in on an indefinite hiatus due to not knowing how to continue it, but ill leave it up so that those who wish to read it may, but i don't think ill continue it. If you feel that you want to add on to it or pick up where i left off contact me and ill add you as a co author and add a link to your writings for others to read.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so yeah uh  
> this is like my first fanfic in years ?  
> and i'm not even a native english speaker so yeah sorry for any mistakes

Your name is Dirk Strider and you are 99,9999…% sure this house is haunted.

At least that was what the estate agent told you.

Well,nothing is perfect,but this two story house with a nice pool was at a very good price thanks to it. You were sorta thankful to the “ghosts” then,but now you are sorta scared.

In your first night here,you were woken up with the water splashing and a girl laughing. And when you went there to check if the darn neighbourhood kids weren’t messing with you, you saw nothing at all beside a tiny watery foot trail.

You followed it even when it became a mudy trail to find it ending in one of your open windows,inside your house,to the supposedly locked attic.

And you were actually planning on using the attic.Damn.

You were really,really tempted to call you cousin,Roxy,to spend the night with you in a “girl’s night” so you wouldnt be alone with whatever ghost there was. But this is ridiculous,ghosts don’t exist. Well.at least the mudy tiny feets weren’t there when you woke up this morning. The leftovers of the Chinese food you bought yesterday ALSO weren’t there anymore.

Well, you never knew ghosts could feel hungry. Or they could actually clean the floor.

You sigh while you start working on your most recent project - an AI for Crockercorp that should know all of it’s recipies and could be stored in a handy spatula. They sended you the voice files recentely and you planned spending a good two or three days on listening to everything.

That is,until you heard footsteps on the attic. And the goddamn laughing again.

Oh,godamn it,you were going to find that fucking ghost and you were going to exorcise the shit out of it. But first you were going to need a bobby pin. And salt.

And maybe let your older brother,Dave, know something about it,so if you disappear eaten by a ghost you can be reported to the police or something.

You decide to call him. He probably wasn’t on his Pesterchum anyway. He picks up after it rings a little.

“Sup” Dave said,his voice a little bit louder than some muffled shitty rap playing in the background.

“Hey.Look,I am going to hunt a ghost or something.” You were pretty sure he was fucking laughing. “It’s serious.”

“Yeah,of course it’s serious. Did the ghost wear a white sheet and had holes for the eyes,Dirky?”

“I didn’t even see it, but it used my pool. It laughed. It ate my chinese food that would be my breakfast.And it is walking around my attic. Beside, the estate agent told me it’s haunted.”

“Oh no!It ate your dear precious sweet chinese leftover! You should totally hunt the punk who did it!” You rolled your eyes. Couldn’t your rich and famous brother be serious?

“You are so adorable today.”

“I am adorable.”

“Yeah,sure you are.”

“Is that all you wanted,Dirk?”

“Yes.I’ll call you again if I survive the trials that ghost may offer me,like being in ghost slime bondage.”

“I’m not hearing you,I’m not hearing you”,he chanted.

“That is so mature of you.” Seeing as he was still chanting like the big baby he was,you sighed and hung up.

You heard footsteps again and sighed,picking up your wallet and going to the nearest Target to buy salt and bobby pins.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which there's no ghost slime bondage and that's a shame

20 minutes and a few dollars after,you’ve got one kg of salt, 20 bobby pins and a flashlight.

You mostly bought the flashlight because,if you didn’t find any ghost,you could still beat the shit out of the punk who was in your attic.

You had to do a bit of Googling to find how to lockpick - the last time you did it was to unlock the car key of your brother ironic Ferrari and you may or may not almost crashed it when you were learning how to drive. 

On top of that,you had to struggle a bit to actually open it. And while you cursed the damn lock inventor and all of its descendants,you heard the laughing. A girl’s childish laughing.

As soon as you opened it and the door made a vague “creek” sound, you knew you were in trouble. 

You gave a quick glance on the attic full of dust. It only has a tiny closed window,and in the darkest corner,a pile full of old,yellow-ish clothes.

The thing that makes you have goosebumps is that there’s a girl against the window. She had candycorn horns and she was grey and she had - were that gills? were that fins? - and oh god female Satan was living in your attic -

No,wait. Grey skin,candycorn horns,fins/gils things? 

Say it Dirk,say it out loud.

“You’re a troll.”

“Who are you?”It asked you,turning itself to face you.

“Who are you?”

“I asked you first!”

“I asked you second!” No,wait. You sighed,while rubbing your temples. You were pretty sure that you saw this dialog in some Youtube video with Barbies. “Look. I’m Dirk, the new owner of this house. Who. Are. You?”

“Feferi,owner of the pool.Nice to meet you.” She - no,her name was Feferi - smiled a bit. She was wearing some torn rags and she was quite thin,but you think it’s because she is a bit tall,besides looking like a eight,maybe a nine year old kid. She has some weird horns,tall and nub-ending. She has this fin/gil thing on the sides of her face,and yellow esclerases with grey eyes. She has a bit more of sharp tooths that you would like her to have,but you guess that’s okay.

You sit down,sighing heavily. 

“So,Feferi… Were you yesterday on the pool?” She nodded as a response and sitted in front of you. “And you entered by the kitchen and went to the attic?” 

“Yes.”

“And you cleaned the floor during the night…And ate my chinese food?”

“Yup!It was sooo delicious!” She smiled a lot,all of her little-but-scary sharp teeth showing. Then she put her hand in front of her mouth. “Oh!I am so so so sorry for eating it!But I was so hungry…” She looked a bit saddened by this. You vaguely wondered for how many time she didn’t eat.

“Well,do you want to go out and eat something?I could buy you a few clothes or something,too.” Shit,she looked so much like a kid you couldn't help it.

“Reely?” She said,throwing herself on your lap clumsily.Oh my god,she was so cold.”Are you shore?Do you mean it?”

Did she just… Did she just make fish puns?

“Shore. Hell,you can even go live downstairs with me if you want.” Ooops. You got in the fishy mood. “I can even give you more clothes to your pile.” Your ex-boyfriend’s clothes that you were planning to burn on winter were going to be put on a good use.

She gave you a sweet smile.

“Yay!”

Riiight. You had a troll. At least,you guess you have a troll.What you do now?

You should call Roxy. You remind that she has a troll that resembled a cat and a…Cherub? You don’t really know. God,the Cherub freaked you out a bit.

“Hey,how about we go downstairs?I can lend you some clothes for the time being.”

She nodded while running to you room,and left you wondering how she knew. You sighed,while scooping your phone from the place you left it - the kitchen table,and looked for Roxy’s number. 

She answered the call almost immediately.

“Heeey Dirky!” She said,and you could hear the smile on her voice.

“Hey,Roxy.So,do you have any idea to how to care for a troll?”

“What does it look like?Dirkles you never told me you were getting one!Can I meet it?Pretty please?I’ll bring Nepeta and Calli and it will be so rad we can have like a little troll party!”

“She has some fins or gils,I don’t know?And she looks like a nine year old,or maybe a eight year old,I don’t reely know.” Fuck,the fish pun slipped.

“Did you just say ‘reely’ or I misheard you?” 

“You misheard me.”

“No,you really said reely’!Oh my fucking god,Dirkatin!Does she makes fish puns? Does she? Oh my god she and Nepeta can have like,pun competitions!I bet all my money on Nepeta!”

“Roxy,focus yourself. How do I take care of a troll?”

“Ok,ok,you meanie. You give her food,attention and a pile. Just like a grey,horned little kid. Duh. Oh! And they have a hemospectrum?It affects their body temperature. If she has gills,she is a sea troll. I guess she’s a violet blood?I mean,how low are the chances Dirkles find a tyrian troll?”

“Is tyrian rare?”

“Janey has a tyrian. That little momma-i-wanna-be-Nicki Minaj.”

Oh,yes,Meenah,or how she called herself,Her Imperious Condescension. The little troll was the reason you didn’t pester Jane on her Pesterchum anymore - because sometimes you’d be like “Hey Jane, how are you?” and as a answer you’d get “yo jane is not here what the fuck do you want you piece of shit”.

You were really tired of the “Guess who is using the computer and pray to not be the troll” game. So you started texting Jane instead of pestering her.

“I…I see. Thank you,Roxy. I’ll do my research later,okay?”

“Okay!And don’t forget to call me to the party with trolls!Bye bye!” She said before hanging up. You sighed,noticing Feferi were spying on you.

“Hey,Feferi. Have you been listening for how long?” You said,noticing how cute she looked in… your My Little Pony Rainbow Dash hoodie. It was big on her,but sure did the job. She was also wearing one of your comfy burgundy slippers on her feet.

D’aww. The face of cuteness and adorable.

“I just came in!You had so many clothes I haddock to make a pile!” Shit. You vaguely hoped that she didn’t claim every single one of your clothes.

“Right.Are you ready to go?”

“Yes!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what do you mean by "references to pop culture"  
> i'm innocent as fef


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shoppin time

You put Feferi sitting where the babies usually sat of the supermarket's cart after you made sure that Target actually accepted trolls there.

God forbid making a scandal. The one the papparazzi accidentally heard and photograph when you and you ex broke up was enough for you. Also, they were the main reason you moved from your brother's house. You were just too tired of being followed almost everywhere because they tought you were your brother, because they couldn't see the difference between stupid aviator glasses and dumb, pointy anime shades.

Meanwhile, Feferi was having the fun of her life while you rolled the cart in the clothe's aisle. You took her from the little seat.

"Want to help me to pick up some clothes for you?" She giggled.

"Shore!" She then proceeded to run around,scooping clothes on her arms and asking you for help on size. She got a weird cyan and bright green skirt with some pink on it and more skirts,not as weird as the first. You conviced her t get a few sweatpants. She also got 3 or 4 shirts and a beige hoodie with some light green vines on front. And you also got two swinsuits for her with some fishy pattern.

And now you had to find her panties. God.

You just picked two of those "Buy 5 and pay for 4!" packs that seemed to have some pink and blue and little bows in what seemed to be her size.

When you saw everything you guys picked,you sighed and she put her little arms in the air,demanding to be lifted into the baby chair thing in the supermarket cart. You made what she silentely demanded and decided to give her a toy,going down the toy's aisle.

When you got in the place plushies were put together,you both saw it and in that moment you say her glittering eyes,you knew she wanted it.

A white Cthulhu - at least you tought it was it - plushie,it's fake fur shining in the artificial light like God himself had sended a sun ray to make it be noticed. It had to beaks in either sides of it and lots and lots of white tentacles.

"Pleeease?" She said,trying to reach it.

"Don't you want anything...cuter?" You tried to persuade her into getting a cat plushie. A dog plushie. Hell,even a slug plushie.Anything but Cthulhu.

"But it's already cute enough!" She said while you tried to see anything cute in Cthulhu. You sighed and picked it up,giving to her.

She picked it up fast,as if you were to take it from her,and hugged it as it were a cat plushie or something. You really couldn't get her taste on plushies.

You sighed while walking a bit around,picking up basic things,like sweets,toilet paper,wire,hair products for both of you and other things.

When you got to the cashier,the woman giggled seeing Feferi snuggling on Cthulhu,but you let it pass. Feferi obedentiely gave it to the woman when she asked for it,and the woman gave it back to her.

You smiled while taking her from the cart and picking up the bags,while she carried around little Cthulhu like it was God's gift.

While you two were walking home,you noticed that she was talking to it and giggling while pretending the smaller beak could talk.

"Hey,Feferi,what's it's its name?"

"It's Glubglub!” She said,the biggest fucking grin pratically planted on her face.

Damn,Cthulhu had a weird name.

“Glub…Glub?”

“Yeah! Like the sound fish make!I haddock to take the op-perch-tuna-ty!”

“But isn’t it a…Tentacle thing?”

She frowned.

“No! It’s a Glubglub!”

Okay,whatever.

“Right.” It looked to you like it deserve a more fitting name. Terror-horror sound nice for it.

You opened the door and Feferi runned to kitchen,going to the pool. Oh,damn.

“Hey,Feferi,wait!” She stopped,loking at you.

“What?”

“How about you take a bath,try your clothes and then you go to the pool?I can even go with you.” Feferi hugged Glubglub/Terror-horror a bit harder,muttering to it.

“Are you going to be with me in the pool?”

“No,gotta work a bit.”

She seemed confused a bit.

“Work?”

“Yeah,gotta keep you full of clothes to make piles and food somehow.”

She gave you a sweet smile.

“Okay,then!”

“Now put the plushie down in the couch and go to the bathroom,okay?I’ve gotta do something before I go give you a bath.”

“Okay!” She then proceeded to run to the living room. You sighed and turned AR on.

 timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]  
  
TT: Be quick,I’m playing a game.

TT: I need you to do a research.

TT: Research trolls for me. Make it more specific to trolls that live in the sea.

TT: Have you ever heard of Google?

TT: Yeah,it’s the shit. The ironic shit.

TT: And also,try to talk to Jane. If I’ts Meenah,let it go. I’ll handle the rapper with my own hands.

TT: That was it?

TT: Yes.

TT: Ok,now get off.I’m trying to play a game here.

TT: No need to ask twice.

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

You regret this decision so,so much and it doesn’t have even five seconds.

You sigh while taking off the glasses and letting it side by side with your cellphone. You vaguely notice Dave is calling you but you decide to ignore him for a bit – he’s gonna get what he deserves for not believing you.

Shrugging the tought out of your head, you picked the shampoo that smelled like vanilla and strawberries and the conditioner with the same smell that she picked and that nice odorless soap.You then went to the bathroom.

 Your hoodie was in the sink and your slippers were beside it – she was waiting you in her torn yellowish rags. There was a faint – fuck - fuchsia blush in her faces.

“Do you mind if I keep these?” She said, facing down.

“Why not?” You said,opening the bathtub tap.

“Shore?”

“Shore.Hey,could you get me the ducks inside that sink cabinet?”

She looks at you with a precious confused expression.

“Why do you keep ducks under the sink?”

“They’re rubber ducks. They float on the water.” You started adjusting the water by this point. You decided that the best was warm water.

She picked up your little collection of ducks – you had 3 ducks: Mama Duck,Papa Duck and Duck Jr. Mama had a cute little bow,Papa a mustache so long it floated on water,and Jr. had a baseball cap.

You may or may not commissioned these beautiful,custom made,duck family.

Feferi was examining them.

“Why they’re yellow?”

“It makes them easier to see in a bubble bath.”

“Why does this one has a moustache?”

“He’s the father,and father should have moustaches.”

“Can I have a bow like this?”

“Sure.Right,the water is good. Why don’t you step in?” You offered,opening the space and picking up the showerhead. She walked warily,first dropping the ducks there and seeing how they reacted to the water,then putting one foot first,then the other…

And she finally sat on the bathtub,picking up Mama and making it swan a bit.

“This is a mini-pool.” She declared.

“Sorta. All right,let’s start this bath.” You then proceed to turn on the showerhead and wet her hair,taking your time to avoid her horns. You put a generous amount of the shampoo – shit,how much her hair will need? – and gently massaging that tangled mess. When there was enough vanilla-and-strawberry scented foam,you showered her hair again. When the foam was gone and the only thing that lasted there was the scent,you put the conditioner on her hair,unraveling the knots on her black hair with your fingers.

She started purring while playing with Mama and Papa. You took this as a good sinal of what you were doing.

When you were done with her hair,the water were a bit chilly and dirty – how the fuck there was a bottle cap in her hair? – you decided it would be for the best to take the rest of the bath in the shower,so you took the lid of the drain and watched her watching the water go away in swirls.

“How does it do that,Dirk?” You noticed it was the first time she said your name,and this weird and warm feeling took you whole.

“I don’t know. It just does.” You lied to her because you were pretty sure that she wouldn’t understand the explanation.

“Okay.” You took the happy duck family and put it in the sink to let it dry off. She stayed sitting while you adjusted the water in the showerhead.

“Alright,now I’m going to spray you with water and then I’m going to let you deal with the soap while I go pick up your clothes and a towel. Okay?”

“Shore!” She smiled and picked up the soap you offered with her tiny hands.

You sighed and got out of the bathroom,going to the kitchen. You hoped AR was working in the task you gave him instead of playing games and picked up your cellphone,with…

Holy flying fuck.

You called your brother.

_“Oh my god you little shit,I tought you’ve been caught in ghost slime bondage and were panting asking for more right now.”_

“Yes,hello,Dave,your little brother is fine,thank you for asking.”

_“I almost called Rose to go over there you little duckhead”_

“There was no ghost so there was no ghost slime bondage,thank you for asking. Instead,my dear brother,I found a troll.”

_“Oh my god you found a troll.”_

“Yes. Thank you for repeating what I just said.I tought I may have gone deaf for a minute.”

_“Dirk don’t tell me you got one of those shithuge trolls with face paint and that are always drugged their asses off on weird goo.”_

“No,it’s a little girl that say she is the owner of the pool.”

_“Alright. Are you going to take her to the vet? I think Jade could help you.”_

“Shore,and have a chance I run into Jake?”

_“Did you say ‘shore’ you little shit?”_

“No.”

_“You said shore.”_

“You misheard. That’s common on your age. You have what,67?”

_“I have 25,you little asshole.”_

“Alright,fake your age for as long as your want.”

 _“Are you going to see Jade?”_ You sighed. You knew that he had a vague something for Jade.

You didn’t really know other vets that also took care of trolls. So yeah,Jade was your only option.

“Sure.”

_“Okay,now go to your troll.”_

And he hang up.

Sometimes you really hated your brother. You picked up the clothes and hoped she didn’t make your bathroom a huge,wet mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had to use lots of google translator so yeah sorry if has some weird words  
> besides how do you even color text here


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry  
> trigger warning: drugs,murder,blah blah blah

“Hey,everything fine there?” You asked,knocking softly in the door.  
“Yes.Hey,how you turn off the water? ” She asked.  
“I’ll do it for you,’kay?Meanwhile you can wrap yourself in the towel.Okay?”  
“Okay!”  
“Alright. I’m going in.” You entered the bathroom,where she waited sitting. You gave her the fluffy red towel to her and she picked it up,stepping carefully outside the bathtub while you turned it off. You turned to Feferi,who was having a bit of trouble to dry her hair.  
“Wait,let me do this.I’ve got a hair dryer in my room.”  
“A what?”  
“A thing that dries your hair quickly.”  
“Such a thing exists?In reelity?”  
“Yeah,why?”  
“I’ve only seen that on Youtube hair videos.”  
Wait,what? How did she had access to Youtube? And mostly important,why she were watching makeup videos? She gave you the humid towel,her hair damp,and you started softly drying it with the towel.  
“How you had access to Youtube?”  
“The people who used to live here where going to threw a laptop away,so I picked it for myshell.”  
Oh my god,she stole a laptop. You gasp slightly.  
“Somefin wrong?”  
“Why did you pick the laptop?” You try to sound as sweet as possible. You don’t need her scared of you.  
“I missed using one.”  
She… what?  
“What?” You asked,trying to get what she was talking about.  
“I used to live with a girl in…College?I think it’s called like this. She let me use her laptop and teached me how to read and write stuff a bit. One day she went away and never came back and her roommate throwed me away.” She sniffled a bit. You pat her head slightly,taking care to not hit the horns.  
“There,there. Don’t worry,everyfin is in the past now.” She sniffled a bit more and you put the towel in her shoulders. “Now,come with me and I’ll dry your hair,otherwise you’ll get sick and then,you can’t get in the pool.”  
“Okay.” She blinked a bit and put her tiny hand on yours. You hold it with care.  
You both go into your room,where you get your hair dryer.  
“Sit on the bed,please.” She did what you said while you connected the hair dryer in the wall socket. She looks at it suspiciously.  
“It looks like a gun.” Oh my god,you don’t even want to know what she did on the internet. Or what her previous owner teached her about.  
You turned it on and heard a screech.  
“Why it blows hot air?!Why it makes such a noise?!” She said,in a high pitched voice.  
“It’s because it has a little engine inside it that picks air outside and warms it,so I can dry your hair.”  
She makes a confused face.  
“Alriiiight.”  
“Now turn,I’m going to dry it. It’ll only take a few minutes.”  
She nods and does what you say,so you start drying the lots and lots of her hair.  
Fucking holy fucker,she has a shitton of hair. You tought this was illegal.  
After a few minutes,her hair is dry and you gave her a panty and some of her clothes. When she asked you to turn so she could put her clothes,you did what she said.  
She coughed and you turned,seeing that she looked particulary cute on that weird skirt,a simple white shirt and the hoodie.  
You bought everything in the same size,so you guessed that everything fitted,then.  
“Right,here. Put the swimsuit and you can go to the pool,spend the day there.Okay?”  
“Shore!” She smiled and you handed her the swimsuit.  
“I’m going to pick my things and wait for you outside the pool,okay?I’m going to work.”  
“Alright!”  
She smiled and you left the room,picking up your laptop and headphones in the living room and the shades on the kitchen.  
You put them on and prepared yourself while going to the pool,sitting in the chair outside.

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

TT: Do you have my research ready?  
TT: Yes.  
TT: Tell me everything about trolls,then.  
TT: Trolls are a species that desenvolved themselves in an island in the middle of the ocean for at least 200 years.No one knows where they came from. There’s two types of trolls,land dwellers and sea dwellers.  
TT: Your troll seems like the latter. There are a whole hemospectrum,going from the low burgundy until the empress’ fuchsia.   
TT: You’re telling me that Feferi is a empress?  
TT: Yes.  
TT: Go on.  
TT: Trolls have a weird livespan.The burgundy will live at its minimum 10 years,bronze will live eleven,and so on,but the indigo,that lives 20 years. It’s unknown why the closest blood to sea trolls live more. Violet bloods live up to 25 years and fuchsia will live around 30 years.  
TT: Trolls,as you know,are very useful to society.Burgundy,bronze,mustard and limr normally are these “pet helper” for old people and families with little kids.  
TT: Olive is normally a livestock keeper. Teal and indigo are pretty useful in justice.  
TT: How?  
TT: Purplebloods are the ones who make the death sentence become true. They’re the most violent of all the land trolls. They’re used in cases that the popular opinion requires blood.  
TT: Teal bloods are used as a attorney for the ones who can’t pay for one,but they’re as good as a human. They even have a college of it’s on.  
TT: Violet bloods are used in fishing matters. They go with a human that legally adopts them. The violet bloods makes a pair with other violet blood and go in the sea with a net,swimming and getting the most fish as possible without getting animals,such as dolphins and etc.  
TT: And there are no cases of a troll ever getting beat up?  
TT: The little shits can defend themselves pretty easily. They have a ton of teeth. Besides,there are pretty harsh punitions for people who beat up trolls.  
TT: The bluebloods are normally the ones that work in ports,lifting heavy things because they’re really strong.  
TT: Cerulean bloods are mostly used as pets or in sea-related things,because they are really good for it,for some reason.  
TT: Jade bloods are the rarest,and they normally stay in the brooding caverns,tending the Mother Grubs.  
TT: What?  
TT: It’s a part of their fucked up reproduction system. Trust me,you don’t want the details.  
TT: Right.  
TT: Anything else I need to know?  
TT: Yeah. I googled Feferi’s name while we were talking.  
TT: You what?  
TT: I. Googled. Feferi’s. Name.  
TT: It seems she was the pet troll of a pretty smart girl – Aradia or something. Aradia got Feferi because of a scholarship in college – if she took good care of the mascot of the college, she’d get scholarship.  
TT: But her roommate, Vriska, didn’t like it– she wanted that troll and Aradia out of her life and out of the college.  
TT: Vriska, then, gave Phencyclidine to Aradia’s boyfriend, Sollux, and let them both in a room alone.  
TT: A lot of Phencyclidine.  
TT: You’re telling me that that Vriska girl gave PCP to a guy because she didn't like Feferi nor her roommate?That's over the top.  
TT: Pretty much. Also, she crippled a boy and blinded a girl when she was just a kid.  
TT: That girl is a psychopath.  
TT: A dead psychopath. She was scheduled to die in an indigo manner, but on her first day in jail the people there ripped her arm and left eye off.  
TT: They did it during the night, and so they didn’t make the guards notice them, they gagged her.  
TT: She bleed to death.  
TT: Oh my god.  
TT: Pretty much.  
TT: Seems like you need some time to think. I’m going to play my game. An archive with all the information I told you is in your email.

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

Oh my god.  
Oh. My. Fucking. God.  
That was so,so fucked uo in so many levels.  
You started trembling and decided to call Roxy. You hoped she would understand you.  
“Dirk?”  
Feferi’s voice brought you to your senses.  
“Feferi?”  
“Somefin wrong?You’re trembling.”  
You gulpd.  
“Do you…Remember Aradia and Vriska?”  
You had to ask.  
“Yeah!Aradia was so nice to me,but Vriska was a meanie. But one day Aradia went away and I don’t know what happened. Vriska said she had to go to her own house and left me in this city to look for her. I haven’t found her yet. I hope one day I fin Aradia again!”  
She smiled. You won’t ruin her idea that Aradia is alive. No,you won’t.  
“Hey,Feferi,go into the pool.I’m going to call a friend,okay?”  
“Okay!”  
She runned of,jumping in the pool.  
You went inside and picked up your cellphone,calling Roxy.  
“Roxy?I need you to come here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm really sorry  
> so so sorry  
> btw  
> if any of u drew fanart i wouldnt get mad you know *wink*


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's short and shitty and i'm sorry

Four hours.   
Roxy was going to take 4 hours to come to your house. She would take this long because she needed to get her pets’ things ready and she needed to get the car in her mom’s house.  
You weren’t sure if you could cope with this all by yourself until Roxy came,so you decided to try and talk with Meenah/Jane. Whichever were good. You left AR to his games and opened the Pesterchum app in your glasses.  
timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]  
TT: Hey,Jane.  
GG: no  
GG: what the fuck do you want  
TT: Good,the troll I wanted to talk with.  
GG: what the fuck  
GG: is your head working well little human  
TT: It is perfectly fine,thank you for asking,Meenah.  
GG: dont call me like that you little bitch  
GG: the names condesce  
GG: her imperious condescension  
TT: Meenah.  
GG: her imperious condescension  
TT: Meenah.  
GG: her imperious condescension you stupid dipshit  
TT: Alright,alright. You won this round.  
TT: Should I bow for the next 15 minutes?  
GG: yes  
TT: Alright. If I bow later,can you answer me a few questions?  
GG: sure  
TT: How do I properly take care of a tyrian blood troll?  
GG: you have a tyrian  
GG: you actually ) (AV-E a tyrian  
GG: oh my god  
TT: Yes. How do I care of her?  
GG: first you should fork her for me  
TT: Excuse me?  
GG: you pick up your pointy gold jam  
GG: and put it right trough her stomach  
GG: are the instructions clear enough  
TT: Oh my god,I’m not going to krill my troll,Meenah.  
GG: did you just make a fish pun  
GG: and dont call me meenah  
TT: Yes,I made a fish pun,and I’ll call you Meenah as long as you don’t say what I asked.  
GG: alright you little shit  
GG: do you have a pool  
TT: Yes.  
GG: is it big  
TT: Yes.  
GG: how big  
TT: Normal big.   
GG: ok  
GG: you need to install salinity sensors and start controlling the chemicals you put there  
GG: some good pet shops sell sea dweller appropriate pool chemicals  
GG: or you should ask jane where she buys hers  
GG: i think she buys from jade but w/e  
GG: we need at least 2 hours of swimming or running to keep in a good shape  
GG: otherwise we feel sick  
GG: are you writing that down you little shit  
TT: Yes,I am. Go on,Condesce.  
GG: aw yess  
GG: seadwellers dont have eyelids btw so she will sleep lookin at ya if you put her pile in your room  
TT: That’s mildly creepy.  
GG: thats the point of not putting her pile on your room you dipshit  
TT: Oh.  
TT: Is that all?  
GG: yeah  
GG: for more informations talk with jane  
GG: or jade shes the doctor  
TT: Alright. Thank you.  
GG: thank you who you dipshit  
TT: Thank you,Her Imperious Condescension.  
GG: its nothing my loyal minion  
GG: now go and bow for your queen  
gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

You took a deep breath and couldn’t help but chuckle a little. You decided to call Jade,while you were at it.  
It took her a while for pick up.  
“Hello,Jade speaking. Dirk?” She asked. She seemed a bit busy,but you decided to not care for it.  
“Hey,Jade. Uh. I sorta got a seadweller troll and I was wondering… Could I bring her there so you could check her up and something? And Meenah told me something about pool chemicals appropriate for trolls,and she said that Jane maybe buys from you,so…”  
She giggled a bit.  
“Of course I can help you!” You heard some muttering the background…Was someone talking in japanese?Oh my fucking god. You were pretty sure that what this person might have spoken was ilegal. “God, I really don’t know what to do with you,Damara.” You heard Jade mutter.  
“What?”  
“Oh,nothing!It’s just that I’m having a little problema with a troll. She speaks in japanese, and the troll who used to be her ‘translator’ was adopted,and I really don’t know what to do with her – after all,I can’t even understand her!”  
God,you were pretty sure that what the troll said was ilegal. Sometimes you really weren’t thankful for the japanese class you took in your weeaboo phase.  
“Oh.” She was so lucky. You decided it was the best to spare her from the knowledge. “That sounds horrible.”  
“Yeah. And unfortunately,someone who wants to adopt her needs to know the language,and I need an adopter for her quickly,otherwise she will be put down.Such a shame – she’s barely 2 years old.Otherwise,I’d adopt her myself.”  
Oh.  
“I think Dave understands japanese. A good part of his fanbase is there,so…”  
“Really? Oh my,if he knew japanese that would be so nice for her!”  
“You should totally ask him while doing some puppy eyes.” Nothing like fucking up with your brother daily.  
“Okay,I’ll ask him! By the way,how old is your troll?”  
“I don’t know?I found her in my house. She looks like a nine year old,maybe eight. She’s a fucshia,I think.”  
You heard papers being ruffled in the background and Jade muttering something.  
“It seems she’s around three,or maybe two and a half,old.” You heard a fit being thrown in japanese. “Shit,Dirk – Damara needs me,I guess. Bye!”  
“Bye.” You said, hunging up.  
You sighed. You had somehow managed to calm yourself a little. You tought it would be a good idea to do something for you and Feferi eat – in a big quantity,so you would had a bit for Roxy and her pets,in case they were hungry.  
You left your cellphone in the living room and went to the kitchen,where you could see if Feferi was alright.  
She was splashing around,and it reminded you of the whales in San Franscico.  
The por girl tough Aradia was alive.  
And if depended on you, she would never, ever, ever discover that her so precious Aradia was dead. And if someone told her,you’d hunt them down.  
She didn’t deserve this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so yeah  
> roxy and nepeta and calliope will appear next chapter  
> hold your horses
> 
> p.s: jane's troll is literally the condesce so her name is meenah  
> it's the same as rose's mom being called roxy   
> i'm not sure if people will get it


	6. Chapter 6

After you were done cooking,you called Feferi trought the window. She appeared after getting out of the pool,curious both about the smell and your calling. She popped up at the window,curious.  
“Water you were doing?”  
“Dinner.Wait,let me get you a towel to dry you out.”  
“Why?”  
You giggled a bit.  
“Well,you can’t have dinner while you’re wet,otherwise the wáter will fall in the food.” She made a surprised noise.  
“Hang on.” You runned upstairts and brought the towel you – shit shit shit – left in your bed. You went back,scooping up lil’ Cthulhu in your way. You put Terror-horror in the table and handed her the towel.  
“Dry yourself and come in,’kay?”  
She smiled,picking up the towel.  
“’kay!”   
You started picking up the cuttlery and the plates,putting them on the table – not before you put your cellphone on the couch. You putt he plates on the table and started putting the cuttlery when Feferi entered the house,bringing with her your laptop. Shit,you forgot it outside.  
“Hey,thanks for bringing the laptop.”  
“You’re welcome!” She smiled,handing you it. You put it on the other side of the table. Feferi sat on the chair next to Terror-horror and picked it up. She looked at the plates,smiling. You started serving the simple-but-tasty food Jane had teached you after a few small fires in a bored afternoon.  
You were a roboticist,not a cook,but you learned quickly.  
She picked up the fork and the knife with no problems.  
“You know how to handle those?” You asked,a bit worried.  
“Shore!” She picked up the fork and showed you. “You use this to fork things!”  
You hoped she didn’t use these to fork you. She picked the knife with the other hand.  
“And this you use to cut things!” She putt he fork down and picked up the spoon. “And this you use to pick lots of food!”  
You gave her a smile and gently patted her head.  
“Good girl. Now put these down,I’m going to serve you.”  
She put it carefully where it was and you started putting food on her plate. A spoonful of this,a spoonful of that,and done,you had probably the most delicious comfort food since… well,shit. Forget it,what matters is that you made it with your heart.  
You hoped it tasted good while you served yourself.  
And it did.  
You cried of joy inside and smiled to Feferi,who was putting spoonful after spoonful of food in her mouth.  
“Hey,wait. If you eat so much in such a little time you are going to throw up later.”  
She looked at you,confused.  
“Why would I throw up?”  
Shit. How would you explain that to her?  
“Because you ate too much in a short amount of time.” She frowned.  
“Oh.” She looked at her plate and resumed her eating.  
You felt a bit bad. She probably wasn’t seen food in days – the house was empty when you came,and the people who used tol vie her didn’t just offer a plate of food.  
“Hey,Feferi,I’m sorry. I was just worried at you. I mean… Shit,I’m no good with this apologize thing.” Fucking shit you swore in front of her.  
She gave you a pure and inocent smile.  
“I’ll forgive you if you give me ice cream after dinner!”  
Holy shit.  
She knew how to blackmail someone.  
“Sure. Just don’t tell Roxy. She would kill me.”  
“Roxy who?”  
“My cousin.She’s coming over with her…” Pets? Friends? “Her troll and her cherub. To make you company for the night.”  
“Really?” She looked happy.  
“Yeah,I think they will also bring some toys.”  
“Is Aradia coming too?”  
Fucking. Hell.  
“No,she’s busy.”  
“Oh.”  
Shit.  
“Hey,how about ice cream now?” She jumped on her chair,smiling.  
“Shore!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> roxy will be in the next chapter dont worry  
> sorry it's short  
> sorry i didnt post it earlier i got wrapped up in some shit


End file.
